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  • Super Mega Powerful DSL Cat

    Posted on January 27th, 2005 Finster No comments

    I was browsing around on and happened upon their DSL page. There was something out of place on that page. Namely, this:

    The first question that came to mind was, “What does a cat and milk have to do with Verizon’s DSL service?” I just don’t know. If I get Verizon DSL do they give me a cuddly kitten? It looks like they’ll throw in a free bowl of milk, as well. This kitten also appears to be somehow trained to live in or near computer monitors. Perhaps that’s why there’s a bottle of milk on this monitor. The cat may derive comfort from this. I hope this is not the case. If I had Verizon DSL, I’d want to be sure that I could view anything I wanted, not just high-resolution images of milk and other cat-friendly entre├ęs.

    It’s just weird to have that cat there, even kind of scary. Is this some sort of strange avatar of the DSL Internet gods? Perhaps this cat represents some sort of household deity as it did to the ancient Egyptians. “If you subscribe to Verizon DSL, we will ensure that prosperity smiles upon you through your very own divine totem.” The cat was also the symbol of the Egyptian goddess, Bastet. Bastet was a daughter of Ra and at times was considered a moon goddess, analogous to Artemis. This would make the cat a symbol of the hunt, or perhaps nighttime. That doesn’t make any sense, either.

    Or perhaps it’s something more nefarious… The monitor could be a dimensional portal into a parallel universe. The bottle of milk appearing on the monitor is a clue that Verizon DSL allowed some sort of super-intelligent, internet-using cat to slip through this portal into our world. Since Verizon managed to photograph this event, I can only hope that they have not been completely conquered by this “SuperCat”.

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